Guiding & supporting individuals navigating a breakup & the complications of co-parenting with a very controlling ex.
Guiding & supporting individuals navigating a breakup & the complications of co-parenting with a very controlling ex.
“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.”
Dr. Ramani Durvasula
If you are in the unenviable position of 'co-parenting' with a highly narcissistic or controlling ex (and going no contact with your ex is not an option), the abuse will undoubtedly continue beyond your break-up or divorce. In many cases, sadly, the abuse escalates. This abuse is oftentimes psychological, emotional, financial and sometimes physical. This is what is referred to as Post-Separation Abuse.
When a narcissistic or coercively controlling ex feels they are losing control of you, they will typically up the ante by trying to take control of what's still within their orbit of influence. This more often than not means that they will weaponise your children, finances and sometimes the legal/court system,, in order to maintain their sense of power and control. They will try to get people to side with them, against you (whether that be your friends, family members, professionals, and most painfully, even your children).
Dealing with this type of situation can be all-consuming and incredibly draining. After all, it is a very harmful form of abuse, and you are likely experiencing trauma from the relationship itself on top of everything else. There is no doubt your nervous system is dysregulated, and you may even be suffering from C-PTSD symptoms. Despite all of the above, you are needing to be the protective parent, and guiding light for your precious children. You have no choice but to keep soldiering on and to do your best to be present and consistently there for your children.
Unsurprisingly, at times it can all feel too much. This is when it is SO important to reach out to people (trusted friends,family and professionals) who have your back; who understand what you are going through, and do not judge you). Start thinkng about who will be part of your support team. It is said that it takes a village (in the best of times) to help raise children; in these circumstances you find yourself in, it cannot be overstated how valuable it is to have a team of devoted & experienced support people around you.
Individuals like me, who have personal & professional experience, can offer you validation and emotional support, along with practical suggestions to help you get through this difficult juncture in your life. You can go on to 'co-parent' with your very challneging ex, with much more confidence and self-belief, with a more regulated nervous system (supporting your children's wellbeing along the way).
Schedule your complimentary Connection Call with me today and find out more about how we would work together and whether we are a good fit! I'd love to help support you.
CPD & ICF Accredited Somatic Trauma Informed Coach™
CPD Certified Narcissistic Abuse Specialist™
Focalizing Institute - Focalizing Practitioner
CPD Accredited Break-up and Divorce Coach Master Practitioner
Coercive Control Trauma-informed Coach Certification (Dr C. Cocchiola)
TQUK Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Skills (RQF)
CPCAB Place2Be Level 2 Award: Counselling Skills for Working with Children
And more....!
